Should We Just Abandon Toxic People?

What to do with toxic people

Toxic people. A header in blog posts nowadays. You see everything from “Why You Should Get Rid Of Them” to “How To Get Rid Of Them“. It’s all good trying to get rid of negativity in your life, to maintain a positive atmosphere and all that zen but then why is the go-to decision to eliminate them.

I happen to be friends with someone who used to be very toxic and no I didn’t sentence them to an eternity of doom in hell. I love people and I believe if you try to see and understand how and why people become the way they are, you may be of help to them. Some people do not want to be helped. Those are special circumstances. Without further ado, here are ways you could save a toxic person:

A toxic person is often manipulative and has already exerted some form of control over you, your emotions and actions.

First, REALIZE THEY’RE TOXIC – Once you accept the fact that these people are not normal, average, well-adjusted members of the society and are often struggling with some form of deep emotional injury. When you have come to terms with that, you can now realize that your defenses have to be way stronger than they normally are

Next, TELL THEM WHAT YOU DISCOVERED – Whether they be significant other or just friends, you have to tell them that they are toxic, not necessarily their entire being but their behavior towards you is. Tell them like you mean every letter of the words you speak. Do not hesitate or sound unsure, otherwise, you may open a new window for them to hurt you emotionally with some sort of guilt.

Now, you have to ESTABLISH EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES and EMOTIONAL DISTANCE. This may sound really harsh but it is tough love and it works. This way you can see things objectively and be able to deal with them. Most toxic people manipulate you emotionally so creating emotional distance can help you break free from the grip they may already have on you.

Once this is put in place, there are certain things you should always keep in mind:

  • They might get worse at first before they get better.
  • They may never change, don’t expect it. If this happens, it’s your cue to leave.
  • They should be treated with empathy. Don’t judge them.
  • You don’t have to explain yourself all the time. ( The temptation might arise from guilt trip).
  • You don’t have to help them through EVERY crisis.
  • You should understand the cycle of their behaviour.
  • You should FORGIVE but don’t be NAIVE

With this in mind and their best interests at heart, here are some more ways you could be of help:

DON’T NORMALIZE ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR

This may be difficult to do at first, because, you may be oblivious to the behavior and you may be used to it. Don’t let abusive behavior continue and definitely do not make excuses for it. Let them know what is abusive and how you feel and never let it repeat. It’s a process so work on it every day. Squash negative talk. Never let it get to you as before.

Learn to pick up the cues and know when you’re being abused

USE SUPPORT SYSTEMS

A lot of these times, these people who have become toxic to us are people who happen to be very close to us and we lean on them for some sort of support. In cases like this, new support systems have to be formed to enable them to lose their power over and you and enable both of you to fix what is broken and heal properly.

Finally, pick your battles wisely and try as much as possible to rise above every challenge you may face. At the end of the day, it’s always a personal decision for someone to change. You can only do so much. If you see no improvements and no willingness to change, pack your bags and leave. That’s right, I went there. Take care of yourself because no-one else will do it for you.

Please share with someone who may need to hear this. I hope you stay negativity free.

 

 

 

24 COMMENTS

  1. So true Belema, toxic people are so hard to deal with and we all have them in our lives. A really good friend of mine was toxic, but she’s changed. Sometimes they do with a lot of firmness and love but sometimes they don’t. Great advice

  2. A lot of this post rings true for me – I’ve been in a bad situation for the last few months (details on my blog if you’re interested), but am finally getting rid of the toxic people in my life and learning to surround myself with people who actually want to help me, see me improve, care about my well-being. While I don’t wish harm to come to the toxic people, I’ve realised my life is better off without them!

  3. I used to suffer from the Disease to Please than thought that just because someone wanted to be in my life .. I had to let them in. A few years ago I started do a little tidying up when it came to these kinds of relationships and it truly changed my life

  4. Toxic people are definitely difficult to deal with. I am so happy I have been able to toss most of the toxic people in my family to the curb as they really bring me down and make it difficult for me to stay happy. My husband has been so supportive of putting emotional distance between us and them. Also it helps that we put a ton of physical distance between us as well.

  5. I have known a few and removed myself from their lives. I don’t regret it but sometimes I feel bad that they still dont get how their behaviour was affecting me, or seem to care.

  6. Toxic people are so hard to deal with and cause so much damage to the people around them. One of my close friends was like and after trying to help her I had to leave for my own sake!

  7. Good article and it really made me look into my own life, my own circle of people. The problem in my case is that these people do not even realize how they destroyed me because they always see me as the “tough” one.

  8. Great post. I’ve dealt with a lot of toxic people in my life, even my own family members. I finally had to cut my dad out of my life because he is incredibly toxic and just plain abusive. It’s definitely hard to deal with people who refuse to see a their behavior as a problem. If they don’t see a problem then they won’t change! But I definitely admire you for wanting to save toxic people.

  9. GREAT! , great, great article! This is the best read I had in weeks. Honestly, nobody wants toxic negativity in their lives, but nodoby tells you how to deal with it. You can just turn your back to another human being before at least trying to understand. I suppose there is no much someone can do if it is a severe case a person definitely needs professional help, but turning your back or leaving doesn’t seem to lead anywhere.

  10. I will never allow a toxic person to remain in my life. I do not like negativity. I am a positive and front going person.

  11. I can’t keep toxic people in my life because it causes too much stress for me. It’s good that you are compassionate, though.

  12. The worst part of it all is they seem not to know just how toxic they are, some are not even willing to change for anything. Just leaving a toxic person is no way to make the world a better place. Love they say, conquers all, but be careful to not get poisoned while helping…

  13. Great post! It takes energy to deal with toxic people, but it’s worth it to let them know about their behaviour. We owe that much to the ones who aren’t being toxic on purpose.

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