It’s NOT Okay

it's not okay

Before you crucify me, hear me out. No it’s not okay. I think we need to put a quota on how many times we get to say that because it’s getting out of hand.  It’s not always okay. ‘Okay’ is not the answer. It’s going to be okay is not the answer to the problem. It’s a construct for when you don’t know what to say and now it has become the norm.Think about it, how has saying that helped anything. Let me explain myself to you.

When someone is hurting, you hear people say ‘It’s okay to feel hurt’ and then after the hurt what next? Nobody comes back to say “here’s how you can work through this” or “this is how you can feel better”. You know what happens in such cases? They absorb the idea that it’s okay to continuously feel okay and nothing more. Before we fought through situations and circumstances, we always got up, we always fought through everything but now, we just want to be ‘understood’. We want to receive applause for being human beings. Oh! You don’t know what I’ve been through, I was [insert a struggle here] but guess what? Clap for yourself. Now get up and move on. Life happens. Sob stories never paid off unless of course you’re a writer.

Today, I watched a short clip on the life of J.K Rowling. How she started, lost a parent, had a miscarriage, got divorced and then decided to put all her effort into the one thing she knew the most, writing. Today, she is worth almost $1 billion dollars. Imagine if all she was told was ‘It’s okay to feel sad, don’t worry it’ll be alright’. In her case, she may or may have not had people say that to her. I’m worried that this generation will be full of people who are just absolutely content with whatever life throws at them. I was born this way, It’s not my fault, I married the wrong guy, If I had gone to better schools. We should stop patronizing these behaviors.

The only thing that’s okay is that you have realized where you are and the drawbacks you may or may not have. Find out the drawbacks and start working through them. Fight! Don’t just sit there and throw a pity party. Did you know that some doctors don’t recommend telling a child the name of their disorder. Yes, the child realizes he/she is not like any other child around them but their parents are told to avoid labeling them as much as possible. This prevents the child from dwelling within a box that can be broken down.

We need to start picking people up, not building houses in the pits they’ve fallen into. Sometimes, what your friend needs from you is not ‘support’. There will always be time to grieve, break down and cry and weep but once that time is over, give life a try again. Tell people hard truths. Not rudely but politely, with love, not with an air of contempt or pity. When people can sense love in your word, even if they may be hostile at first, they will eventually process your words logically. They’ll be grateful for the tough love in the end. Trust me.

30 COMMENTS

  1. Nice post we wrote a similar one ! Agree with your statements. Whats funny we were going to use the same pic of the girl with her hands up high above:) but decided to go with something else. Lol…coincidence!!
    fromsizezerotowisehero.com

  2. This is really interesting post. I like your attitude of getting up and continuing to fight even if it feels hard. It’s so true that we have to really work at living fully and not settling for okay and mediocre. Jesus came so that we could have life and have it to its fullest!!

  3. So true!! I think as a culture we’ve moved to where “it’s okay not to be okay”, but as you talk about, we need to take that next step! Awesome perspective, great post.

  4. I think it depends on the situation. Sometimes saying things will be ok gets a person through to the next level where they can deal with something or change their circumstances. Different approaches work depending on the person and what’s happening.

    • I understand. That’s very true. But my concern is when they refuse to move on to the next level. I also realize people move back and forth stages of healing but some don’t and then, okay isn’t enough.

  5. Thank you dear. That’s so nice of you to say. I don’t know how you found me but am I glad you did. I stalked you a bit. I have to take time to read your blog cus I already like what I see. I look forward to being friends wink Have a nice day 🙂

  6. I think that people who have fallen should be surrounded by love, not by hard truths. Because those hard truths can make them take decisions that might end their life, because they can feel that even their closest friends have given up on them. And it’s not their fault because the mind plays, due to their painful pasts….

  7. When my son is going through something, I tell him to let it out, and then when he is done, we can figure out how to solve the issue together. I do feel we need to not only be supportive but also be motivating towards each other,

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