Why You Should Stop Asking Why

kristabel dubois, stop asking why

A friend of mine ( at some point, I have to give them names but for now..) was explaining to me all the trials she had been through in the past couple of months. After pouring out her heart and leaving it on the floor, the next thing she asked was ‘Why me?’

A series of questions that followed were:

  • Why is this happening to me?
  • Did I do something wrong?
  • Am I not prayerful enough?
  • Am I…

I had to stop her right in her tracks. Let’s take a step back and look at it. I wanted to go all blogger on her and direct her to this article on The Importance of Struggles but no one likes the friend that links you to articles instead of explaining. Here’s the thing, struggles are very necessary in a Christian’s life. Here’s a quote I once heard:

If the devil is not fighting you, then you need to check yourself.

That doesn’t mean that as a Christian, you cannot have periods when everything goes smoothly. Rather, it means the devil does not fight who he owns. He is constantly roaming the face of the earth, looking for whom to destroy. If he has not already destroyed you, chances are he has his eyes on you.

Kristabel Dubois- Whenever you doubt God and you feel like He's abandoned you. Stop asking why and ask a different question. Now, back to the ‘why me’ question.

I guess the appropriate answer would be one of three things:

  • God is training you to become stronger
  • The devil is just having some fun
  • You’re suffering a consequence of a sin you committed.

Now, if it’s God, then well He’ll be very silent. The teacher is always silent during an exam. It is not punishment but a necessary experience for growth. Once again, I recommend reading The Importance of Struggles, you know… not like I’m tooting my own horn or anything.

Ah! If that answer is not satisfactory ( I hope it’s not, I have a couple more hundred words to go), then here’s why God doesn’t spend time explaining Himself to you.


Isn’t that cool? No, it’s not cruel and unusual punishment. It’s just what it is. Here’s what I figured out. God sees and understands everything that happens to you. He also sees how each action taken affects every single thing on the face of the earth. Kinda like the butterfly effect but on a whole new scale.

If He had to give reasons for every happening, you’d grow old trying to understand it. Our God is not a person to be completely understood. He will always retain His mysterious side. It’s fascinating and we always end up with a pleasant surprise.

I don’t know about you but I always end up with this silly grin on my face that says ‘ You should have just told me’. You and I both know I’d have screamed “WHAT?!”. I mean God sent Jonah on a mission and Jonah decided that it was time to take a cruise on a ship. He ended up in the belly of a fish before he finally obeyed.

So instead of asking that boring ol’ why me- question, here’s what you can ask:

  • How can I deal with this?
  • What can I learn from this?

I know that we often ask for reasons when difficult things happens. Sometimes we lose a loved one or we go through things we believe should not happen. I also know that ‘God knows best’ or ‘God has a plan’ are not the most comforting words. That’s why I plead that you stop asking why especially if you hold on to it as a grudge or a feeling of resentment.

God sometimes explains himself to his children. Other times, he doesn’t. Either way, He requires that we trust and believe that he always has a better plan. So if you’re hurting, here’s a shoulder. If you feel pain or you feel betrayed, it’s a normal feeling. But don’t let it draw you away from God.

I do hope you find the peace you seek and that God gives you the answers you require.

Peace and Love. Happy new week!


  1. “Now, if it’s God, then well He’ll be very silent. The teacher is always silent during an exam. It is not punishment but a necessary experience for growth.” I have believed this currently in my own struggle right now. I would like to point out however we, as Christians need to be careful how we approach others who are struggling or hurting. We aren’t in their position. And even if God is teaching them something, who are we to know exactly what He is doing? I think we all get into a place where we ask God “why” and plead with him. Job was in that place for sure. He was seeking God in dust and ashes. His friend Bildad (and the others) made assumptions that he sinned and to press into God. But he was already doing that, from the depths of his soul and his companions, his friends lacked compassion and just gave advice. I have to be careful with this myself. I always go to that “article”, my experience or my advice. When honestly all I truly need in a deep dark place is a friend who will listen and let me cry. So, that’s what I have decided to do moving forward. Great writing!

    • Thank you. Truly, a lot of Christians manage to say all the wrong things when someone is hurting. I believe we’re there to be shoulders and helping hands. Being a listening ear can go much farther than ‘ God knows why’. Great decision you’ve made there. Thanks for commenting. God bless.

  2. When my little brother was diagnosed with cancer, my first instinct was to ask “Why him, God? Why MY family?” My dad encouraged us to instead as, “How can we glorify God in this time?” Asking that question instead completely changed that time of our life.

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